This is sweet and constructive. Thank you. And I still read "balaclava" as "baclava" all these years later & so when I read your last line I said "oh yay!" :-D
Great post! My guess is if you ask someone who believes they “can’t form habits” what they usually do when they’re procrastinating, you will uncover a number of habits (e.g. scrolling).
Volitionally building new “healthy habits” seems harder for folks with ADHD for the reasons you describe, but I also wonder if this issue is more salient for people with ADHD because they see other people carrying out automatic habits that for them require volitional control. Intentionally building new habits is very hard for most people, but people without ADHD are probably reminded of this a lot less?
I think you've got a point here. ADHDers tend to hear "this is easy", "why won't you just..." which can give an impression that others find habit forming easy!
On exercise I think in the west (and maybe actually everywhere because of the stupid grind mindset) today we just over complicate with long, tedious workouts full of useless boring exercises and that means that for adhders we tend to not stick to it. In the soviet union for example it was very very popular to exercise in a way that in the west is named “Grease the Grove” which is basically doing exercises not in a long uninterrupted workout but doing them in small bursts during different times of the day without going to exhaustion. I do this and it’s much more easier on my mind and i formed an habit of this very fast, I think adhd minds just are not very good at making habits like the neurotypical, the best habits for me are the ones that depend on location or resources and not time like it seems it is for neurotypicals (for example going each monday at 3 pm to the gym). For example I don’t clean at fixed times in the week i clean when I happen to have a broom near me, and i don’t force myself to clean the whole house in a single time.
That is an interesting point. I know some former Soviet bloc countries also still tend to have public pull up bars or other similar equipment in parks for working out. In the US some
of this infrastructure from the Cold War era is no longer here because it was removed and not replaced, and also neighborhoods have become less walkable so a school or park nearby with a playground is less of an option for people (and also adults are generally discouraged from being on play equipment that is for children). When there are things that remove the friction to doing an activity people are more likely to do it
in soviet countries almost all Bloc housing had a kindergarten and gymnastics equipment in front of the house, the average person shouldn’t have to travel burdensome path to a good behavior, the architecture was pro social.
I think this makes a lot of sense. Because I struggle to consistently do some things I want to be a habit, but I do have a lot of habits, helpful or otherwise. I usually put the same things in the same places so I don’t forget or lose them. I go to the same stores because I know the layout and can find things easily. But then if something throws those habits off like you said (change in a schedule, an appointment or other event, etc) then suddenly I’m losing and forgetting things or having more stress in a weird feedback loop and it can feel really bad. But understanding that the habits aren’t just me limiting myself due to anxiety or being “lazy” but maybe have some practical support elements makes me feel a little less frustrated at myself so thanks for that thought!
"but somewhere in the self-help washing machine, that felted into" ...obsessed with this phrasing/metaphor, first off.
But also, yes! This feels so true and very important. I often feel guilty for spending money at the coffee shop when I could make tea and write at home. But at home I am using willpower to overcome my laundry and my dog and all the things I "should" be doing. At the coffee shop, I have built a habit of writing. It took years! It took many, many days of "sip drink; open blank document; you can leave if you want." But eventually it worked. I am writing now! Is that an excuse? Maybe. Is it a privilage? Yes. Does it work? Also yes, pretty much. I am able to put myself in a situation when I can only do the thing I want to do, and so I do it.
I also have to leave my crochet and my active reading on the coffee table, or they will evaporate.
This was a fascinating read! Regarding body doubling, I don't know what technically all constitutes it, but I never really vibed with it. But what's funny is that, after years of struggling to keep up a night routine (specifically, washing my face/using prescription face stuff and brushing my teeth plus flossing), the thing that finally made me stick to it -- literally not missing a night in 275 days as of last night -- was hearing my sister talk about starting a night routine and trying to stick with it. Just knowing she was also a) struggling with this and b) trying to stick to it made me go, "Huh, well if she's doing it, I will, too." And now we both just...do it. We're not even regularly checking in about it, nor was it a specific plan, we just both keep doing it and might mention it every so often to one another. I'm not sure if that counts as "true" body doubling, but it's amazing how well that worked, just because it was easier to feel like I was doing it WITH someone instead of mentally chastising myself over and over for not getting the habit to stick.
This is sweet and constructive. Thank you. And I still read "balaclava" as "baclava" all these years later & so when I read your last line I said "oh yay!" :-D
Thank you. This made me feel a lot less insane/ like a failure!
Great post! My guess is if you ask someone who believes they “can’t form habits” what they usually do when they’re procrastinating, you will uncover a number of habits (e.g. scrolling).
Volitionally building new “healthy habits” seems harder for folks with ADHD for the reasons you describe, but I also wonder if this issue is more salient for people with ADHD because they see other people carrying out automatic habits that for them require volitional control. Intentionally building new habits is very hard for most people, but people without ADHD are probably reminded of this a lot less?
I think you've got a point here. ADHDers tend to hear "this is easy", "why won't you just..." which can give an impression that others find habit forming easy!
Beautifully put.
On exercise I think in the west (and maybe actually everywhere because of the stupid grind mindset) today we just over complicate with long, tedious workouts full of useless boring exercises and that means that for adhders we tend to not stick to it. In the soviet union for example it was very very popular to exercise in a way that in the west is named “Grease the Grove” which is basically doing exercises not in a long uninterrupted workout but doing them in small bursts during different times of the day without going to exhaustion. I do this and it’s much more easier on my mind and i formed an habit of this very fast, I think adhd minds just are not very good at making habits like the neurotypical, the best habits for me are the ones that depend on location or resources and not time like it seems it is for neurotypicals (for example going each monday at 3 pm to the gym). For example I don’t clean at fixed times in the week i clean when I happen to have a broom near me, and i don’t force myself to clean the whole house in a single time.
That is an interesting point. I know some former Soviet bloc countries also still tend to have public pull up bars or other similar equipment in parks for working out. In the US some
of this infrastructure from the Cold War era is no longer here because it was removed and not replaced, and also neighborhoods have become less walkable so a school or park nearby with a playground is less of an option for people (and also adults are generally discouraged from being on play equipment that is for children). When there are things that remove the friction to doing an activity people are more likely to do it
in soviet countries almost all Bloc housing had a kindergarten and gymnastics equipment in front of the house, the average person shouldn’t have to travel burdensome path to a good behavior, the architecture was pro social.
I believe you may have been a victim of autocorrect, as we all are from time to time; "Cybernetics" is by Norbert Weiner, not Norman Mailer.
Unless this is one of those Mandela effect things.
Regardless, I loved the article! The author mix up sent me down a Wikipedia rabbithole.
haha my bad! what did you find?
I think what happened is I just watched this episode and his name incepted into my brain 😭😭
I think this makes a lot of sense. Because I struggle to consistently do some things I want to be a habit, but I do have a lot of habits, helpful or otherwise. I usually put the same things in the same places so I don’t forget or lose them. I go to the same stores because I know the layout and can find things easily. But then if something throws those habits off like you said (change in a schedule, an appointment or other event, etc) then suddenly I’m losing and forgetting things or having more stress in a weird feedback loop and it can feel really bad. But understanding that the habits aren’t just me limiting myself due to anxiety or being “lazy” but maybe have some practical support elements makes me feel a little less frustrated at myself so thanks for that thought!
"but somewhere in the self-help washing machine, that felted into" ...obsessed with this phrasing/metaphor, first off.
But also, yes! This feels so true and very important. I often feel guilty for spending money at the coffee shop when I could make tea and write at home. But at home I am using willpower to overcome my laundry and my dog and all the things I "should" be doing. At the coffee shop, I have built a habit of writing. It took years! It took many, many days of "sip drink; open blank document; you can leave if you want." But eventually it worked. I am writing now! Is that an excuse? Maybe. Is it a privilage? Yes. Does it work? Also yes, pretty much. I am able to put myself in a situation when I can only do the thing I want to do, and so I do it.
I also have to leave my crochet and my active reading on the coffee table, or they will evaporate.
This was a fascinating read! Regarding body doubling, I don't know what technically all constitutes it, but I never really vibed with it. But what's funny is that, after years of struggling to keep up a night routine (specifically, washing my face/using prescription face stuff and brushing my teeth plus flossing), the thing that finally made me stick to it -- literally not missing a night in 275 days as of last night -- was hearing my sister talk about starting a night routine and trying to stick with it. Just knowing she was also a) struggling with this and b) trying to stick to it made me go, "Huh, well if she's doing it, I will, too." And now we both just...do it. We're not even regularly checking in about it, nor was it a specific plan, we just both keep doing it and might mention it every so often to one another. I'm not sure if that counts as "true" body doubling, but it's amazing how well that worked, just because it was easier to feel like I was doing it WITH someone instead of mentally chastising myself over and over for not getting the habit to stick.