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Devon's avatar

This won't be relevant to every study on the subject, depending on how they operationalized recall and memory, but as a writer the fallibility of memory and our ability to construct and reconstruct new narratives from our memories seem impossible to separate.

Sometimes I will share a specific, very heightened memory of something painful or invalidating that happened to my family members, only to have them scoff and claim it never happened -- or that it didn't happen the way I remembered it. They aren't necessarily wrong or gaslighting me in every case. Their memories of events really is different because they are less inclined to dwell upon bad things that happened and mine those events for meaning. To me, a single intense family fight at HInkley park or in line at Dairy Queen may stand out in my mind as a powerful symbol of a pervasive problem in the family dynamic. It may or may not be a literally true, perfect memory, but it's emotionally true, and it reflects a whole host of experiences that informed it that I don't recall anymore. Since it didn't mean as much to them, they don't remember it the way I do.

When I write about myself and my past, I have to focus on certain details and reduce the focus on others, because otherwise crafting a coherent, finite piece on the subject would be impossible. And as you've described so well here, that's just how creativity works. It's generative, synthesizing work -- not rote reproduction. But that's how we derive greater and deeper meaning. Human memory isn't a camera anyway.

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Ari's avatar

Man, I loved this piece. Really loved the aside about auditory hallucinations and cultural context!! That was fascinating. Such good brain food, thanks Jesse <3

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