thank you!! I’ve been making a lot of self portraits as a way to process everything and for some reason I really needed to take macro images of my own blood inside the drain tubes one day, and then I was like.. how do I make this.. pretty.. 😂😂
Holy shit (ha ha pun intended) this is incredible. There are multiple lines that brought tears to my eyes but I think this is my favorite:
"I think if I created a sparrow, and she plucked out some of her feathers to make a new nest, I would be proud that my imaginative spirit was so alive in her."
Also I don't think you drew this parallel directly so I don't know if it was intentional or not but I love the imagery of fundamentalism leaving marks on you that hardened you, much like your scars, and that you are simultaneously trying to soften both so that they get less "stuck."
I'll need to read this at least a few more times. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️ Also, when I first tried to shower after my top surgery compression binder came off, I broke down sobbing (NOT happy tears) and called my ex. Lol.
So many complicated feels after top surgery, I think it’s good to talk about the bad ones as well as the good ones bc recovery can be really intense, and the expectation to immediately feel amazing and happy is just not realistic. it’s a huge change and super vulnerable experience and all kinds of emotions are to be expected I think!
Also yes that is exactly the parallel I was making and I love that you read me so closely ☺️
Thank you so much for all these links!! I want to know so badly about queerness and religion but have a hard time finding stuff. I have been blessed by the slug 🥲🥲🙏🏽🐌
I had surgery two weeks after you! Since engrossing myself in the prospect of transition I've talked about coming into a more truthful relationship with myself, but 'entering into a deeper mystery about ourselves' is even richer. As I come into clearer view, I see how it is to make and re-make towards the place of ourselves. It's an exercise in geography, I think. I'm not religious, but last year, while being a tourist, I sat in the pews of a open church and cried quietly as I considered that a god would want me to be trans. Love your writing - hoping you keep dropping into more of the good stuff.
oo yes, I think deeper mystery can be a kind of truth at the same time. accepting uncertainty and the impossibility of knowing have been huge truths for me, esp as I get older and learn more and ironically become less certain of what I know.
Hope your recovery is going well!! Im still sore but summer without a binder is already sooo good, just throwing on a shirt and going outside??? Unparalleled
Thanks for sharing all these thoughts and feelings and reflections!
''I don’t have a vision in my head for who I want to be, nor do I think of transition as a move from one side of a binary to the other. For me, it’s more like feeling my way around in the middle with my eyes closed, sinking my hands into joy when I find it.''
This part resonated with me a lot in my current state oft transitioning. I started testosterone a few months ago, I've been experimenting more with feminine and androgynous clothes and stuff, I want to start working with a speech therapist soon to figure out how to make my voice feel like me as it changes. It all feels like a very fluid, non-linear, non-binary process full oft joy but also challenges and that weird feeling of actually being in my body and disociating less than I used to.
This is such a beautiful piece, thank you for sharing. 10+ years ago I went to a museum exhibit called body doubles and it was focused on the queer and trans experience. I still have posters from it and one of them includes quotes from the artists on being trans and religious, and they have this beautiful question, “how many times did God transition?” Referring to how Christianity talks about how god is the father, the son, and the holy spirit—all totally separate, but also totally the same, all at once. Every place I’ve lived in I’ve always hung that poster up, something about it just really strikes me and moves me every time I read it.
I like the line "I don’t think the difference between cis and trans people is an inner essence, but more a willingness to confront some of the hardest questions about living, and to accept even the most horrifying implications of your own honest answers. "
Wow. Reading this was profound and very expansive in a spiritual sense. I think I'll be coming back to this frequently. Sending you gratitude for your words and honesty, I find solace in your work
I love this so much. I feel tendrils of all sorts of things I’m thinking about growing toward the light of this essay.
Your visuals are always gorgeous, but the collages in this one especially blew me away.
thank you!! I’ve been making a lot of self portraits as a way to process everything and for some reason I really needed to take macro images of my own blood inside the drain tubes one day, and then I was like.. how do I make this.. pretty.. 😂😂
Holy shit (ha ha pun intended) this is incredible. There are multiple lines that brought tears to my eyes but I think this is my favorite:
"I think if I created a sparrow, and she plucked out some of her feathers to make a new nest, I would be proud that my imaginative spirit was so alive in her."
Also I don't think you drew this parallel directly so I don't know if it was intentional or not but I love the imagery of fundamentalism leaving marks on you that hardened you, much like your scars, and that you are simultaneously trying to soften both so that they get less "stuck."
I'll need to read this at least a few more times. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️ Also, when I first tried to shower after my top surgery compression binder came off, I broke down sobbing (NOT happy tears) and called my ex. Lol.
Happy Pride! 🏳️⚧️
So many complicated feels after top surgery, I think it’s good to talk about the bad ones as well as the good ones bc recovery can be really intense, and the expectation to immediately feel amazing and happy is just not realistic. it’s a huge change and super vulnerable experience and all kinds of emotions are to be expected I think!
Also yes that is exactly the parallel I was making and I love that you read me so closely ☺️
Thank you so much for all these links!! I want to know so badly about queerness and religion but have a hard time finding stuff. I have been blessed by the slug 🥲🥲🙏🏽🐌
I had surgery two weeks after you! Since engrossing myself in the prospect of transition I've talked about coming into a more truthful relationship with myself, but 'entering into a deeper mystery about ourselves' is even richer. As I come into clearer view, I see how it is to make and re-make towards the place of ourselves. It's an exercise in geography, I think. I'm not religious, but last year, while being a tourist, I sat in the pews of a open church and cried quietly as I considered that a god would want me to be trans. Love your writing - hoping you keep dropping into more of the good stuff.
oo yes, I think deeper mystery can be a kind of truth at the same time. accepting uncertainty and the impossibility of knowing have been huge truths for me, esp as I get older and learn more and ironically become less certain of what I know.
Hope your recovery is going well!! Im still sore but summer without a binder is already sooo good, just throwing on a shirt and going outside??? Unparalleled
Wow!/pos
Thanks for sharing all these thoughts and feelings and reflections!
''I don’t have a vision in my head for who I want to be, nor do I think of transition as a move from one side of a binary to the other. For me, it’s more like feeling my way around in the middle with my eyes closed, sinking my hands into joy when I find it.''
This part resonated with me a lot in my current state oft transitioning. I started testosterone a few months ago, I've been experimenting more with feminine and androgynous clothes and stuff, I want to start working with a speech therapist soon to figure out how to make my voice feel like me as it changes. It all feels like a very fluid, non-linear, non-binary process full oft joy but also challenges and that weird feeling of actually being in my body and disociating less than I used to.
This is such a beautiful piece, thank you for sharing. 10+ years ago I went to a museum exhibit called body doubles and it was focused on the queer and trans experience. I still have posters from it and one of them includes quotes from the artists on being trans and religious, and they have this beautiful question, “how many times did God transition?” Referring to how Christianity talks about how god is the father, the son, and the holy spirit—all totally separate, but also totally the same, all at once. Every place I’ve lived in I’ve always hung that poster up, something about it just really strikes me and moves me every time I read it.
I like the line "I don’t think the difference between cis and trans people is an inner essence, but more a willingness to confront some of the hardest questions about living, and to accept even the most horrifying implications of your own honest answers. "
beautiful.
Wow. Reading this was profound and very expansive in a spiritual sense. I think I'll be coming back to this frequently. Sending you gratitude for your words and honesty, I find solace in your work
What a beautiful writing. Thank you. <3
gorgeous piece, thank you. adding many of these links to my collection ✨